The Wait Box

There is a standard waiting box, the box comes in different sizes for reasons that baffle the mind. I have to think that somehow Providence is also involved in this but that too baffles my mind.

I'm glad our wait box was not in my control because had it been we most likely would have been in China during the worst snowstorm in many a decade in January, 2008.

Providence / God held up some of our paperwork, which while frustrating to us to no end, turned out to be the perfect timing for when we should have been there.

Had we gone in January we would never have met and got to know the family of one of our daughter's fellow orphans. The weather was much better in March, the air much cleaner, even if smoggy, than at home and Beijing much warmer at 50 in March than who knows what it would have been in January.

Paperwork chase

Next the paperwork chase began. How many forms can you fill out in x time and still remain sane?

Of course one of the first things to come together was a quick snapshot of financial status, do you have two nickels to rub together to raise this child? Our agency person who had 20 plus years in the business looked at what we presented and said I can tell you that you have a 95% chance of approval, so I guess we got an A on that.

At the time we did our adoption we had some dates told to us when certain things would happen depending of course on paperwork we did or that others did. We didn't know the fancy acronyms used now to associate with certain dates for we were driven by start, do and finish.

In about 6 weeks my wife had put together an impressive stack of papers by the time we met our home study person. The home study person said that in 20 years only one other couple had put together so much paperwork in so short a time.

Our I-600 had been filed and we had our date to be fingerprinted by Immigration. We got a rough draft on May 1st and went off to be fingerprinted. At about the same time new rules were announced by China for future adoptions but since we already had our pre-approval (PA) we were using the old rules for our adoption.

I think often of the parallels between adoption and buying a house. One fills out many, many forms; throws money in every direction as told to do for some important reason; and waits. One of the big differences is you know more about a house one will occupy than you will about the child that you wish to live with in that house.

As it seems with most paperwork more than likely one will miss a blank or not understand the crossing of Ts and dotting of Is that are needed to pass muster with those who take the forms and search for those missed items so they can have the glee in saying this isn't filled out right. Thus such happened as we needed to get pen in hand signed copies to show we had in fact been born! So after another round of paper and dollars our dossier trundled off to China and the wait box began.

Two Mothers

My daughter has two mothers. Her birth mother somewhere in China and her new mother, my wife.

To the mother in China - I know you once loved this little girl we now hold and love. I know this because she was with you for 5 years or more before you parted ways. I have to wonder if you knew that Grandmother was taking your daughter away to leave her alone in a park and told to "wait here". I wonder what Grandmother told you on her return. Was it, "the deed is done" or "daughter pulled free and ran off" or some other story?

Regardless, I know it must have broken your heart to let her go for mother's love runs deep.

Now your daughter has a new home, far away in America. You are not forgotten for she still speaks of you from time to time. Some day she hopes to return to China for a visit.

Know that your daughter will be loved and nurtured as if she were our own biological daughter. We will remind her of her heritage and encourage her to remember her China roots.

We trust that your daughter / our daughter will always make you proud as she makes her way through life. We hope that somehow you will know this, if only deep down in your heart.

Lastly, we thank you for the privilege through your great sacrifice of raising your daughter as our own.

To the mother in America - Dearest, I have seen a wife transform into a mother before my very eyes and it makes me humble to be called husband and baba. I've seen love blossom from the very start of the process of adoption, change as the time to receive our daughter arrived. I well remember you turning to me when we first sat as a family and saying - 'she's so beautiful' with tears of joy in your eyes.

True that there are trying times, tough times as our daughter pushes against boundaries but through it all I see your love growing deeper and stronger. I admire your vast qualities of talent, vast quantities of energy as you parent this child. I know that our daughter loves you as well and that that love too will grow deeper and stronger as the years pass.

Thank you for the privilege of being your husband these 20 years and partner in this venture of love.

The Beginning

Christmas 2006 - Never would I have dreamed that Christmas how much my life was about to change. For the better mind you but after several years of humdrum existence I was and am bowled over by the fact of how radically my life has changed.

My wife's birthday occurs every year on the same date, yet somehow it always manages to slip up on me. Near the end of January, 2007, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday for what does a man know what a woman really wants, especially since they already have everything that would make a man happy and more.

We had talked of adoption off and on so when she replied, "you know what I really want?" for once I knew exactly what she was speaking of, so I told her let's go for it, for more than anything I wanted my wife to be happy for her birthday.

A few days later she approached a local agency with whom another family we know had used many years ago. My wife told the agency that we were seeking a Chinese girl that was older than a toddler, aged 6 or 7. The lady looked at her files and produced a picture and file and said what about this one? My wife said that she would have to consult me first.

We met for lunch that day and she showed me the referral pictures and the medical report on the girl. The documentation that came with the picture did not indicate anything we were unprepared to deal with. Again I told my wife - Let's go with this.

Having seen nearly instant love once before I was privileged once again to see such. At that point I don't think I'd seen her that happy since our wedding.

The story continues....